Times

20 Nov

Flickr Photo Download: Don’t wake up already

There are times when what he wants is scary,
Makes me feel too small, too naked,
And I line up all the excuses,
Pointing out with careful logic why this or that can’t be done.

He smiles,
Nothing more needs saying, nothing more to do.
The internal war has started, desires duel.
I will lose.

See more Friday Flash here.

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9 Responses to “Times”

  1. Monkey Man November 20, 2009 at 3:31 pm #

    Wow. This has such internal conflict. I want to say, “Don’t give in!” My 55 is HERE.

  2. brian miller November 20, 2009 at 4:06 pm #

    this 55 was a bit scary for me…dont get burned by the fires of desire…

    mine is up!

  3. G-Man November 20, 2009 at 5:19 pm #

    Nara…?
    Where have you been?
    Most EXCELLENT 55 My Dear…
    Thank You so much for this very real glimpse into many peoples lives.
    Simply awesome…
    Please join the Friday Funfest crowd next week.
    I hope you found this challenging and creative..G

  4. naramalone November 21, 2009 at 8:58 pm #

    Thanks Brian and Monkey Man for the feedback. You’re right to say think twice.

    Hey there, G-Man. I’ve been off adventuring. I needed to lay in a store of experiences to fuel my writing through the winter. Glad you liked my 55. Great challenge. I love writing flash fiction and I plan to be back next week.

  5. mona November 21, 2009 at 10:13 pm #

    I would never do what i wouldn’t want to. Not even for a million dollar smile!

  6. naramalone November 22, 2009 at 7:21 am #

    Hey Mona. Thanks for the feedback. These 55s are challenging. I was thinking he asked something simple like let’s sleep naked or make love with the lights on. She’s trotting out excuses like global warming because she’s insecure. Hmmm. I think “makes me feel too small” is the key phrase that generates reader sympathy for her. I just need to figure out what I can change to make his request earn more reader sympathy. Maybe it’s not possible to make 55 words do so much. Maybe this piece says all it needs to say, even if it’s not what I intended at the start.

  7. Mojo,NC,USA November 25, 2009 at 5:19 pm #

    Mm… no, I’d say what makes her sympathetic isn’t saying “makes me feel too small”, it’s saying “I will lose”. Before the contest has even begun.

    Or maybe, it’s that there’s a contest in the first place.

  8. Mojo,NC,USA November 25, 2009 at 5:20 pm #

    BTW, I’ve gotten “El Nino” before, but never “global warming”.

    Very original.

  9. naramalone November 25, 2009 at 8:25 pm #

    Hey Mojo,

    Thanks for stopping by and giving some feedback.

    El Nino? I’d like to hear the story behind that. 🙂

    I don’t think she views the loss as such a bad thing. Why else give up so easily?

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